"But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie — Police Academy."

MOVIE REVIEW: Police Academy
Troublemaker Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg) is forced into the Policy Academy instead of being sent to jail. While there he meets up with a group of crazy misfits and clashes with the mean Lt. Harris (G.W. Bailey).

Policy Academy was a huge hit; I don't understand why. The film is a low-budget Stripes rip-off, with Steve Guttenberg as a second-rate Bill Murray. Why would you punish a criminal by making him a cop? It's like punishing a hacker by putting him in charge of computer security. Or putting a child rapist in charge of a daycare (The last sentence was brought to you by Andy Holt)

That aside, there are a couple of positive things to be said about the film. It may insult your intelligence, but probably not so much that you want to leave the room. The film mostly lacks jokes, but it will make you smile a little bit. The acting is awful all around, but the characters aren't nearly overplayed as they could be. The film is also better than all of the sequels, and contains no Bobcat Goldthwait. One and a half stars.

Insert leash related pun here

MOVIE REVIEW: Unleashed
Danny (Jet Li) is a man who has been raised like a dog by his "Uncle" Bart (Bob Hoskins), a small time mobster in Glasgow. Danny wears a collar, and whenever Bart takes the collar off Danny attacks using his super martial arts skills. When Danny and Bart become separated, Danny is taken in by a blind man (Morgan Freeman) and his step daughter (Kerry Condon) who teach Danny to be a man, and show him that thing humans call "Love". But getting away from his old life won't be easy; fighting will ensue.

It's hard to explain the premise with a straight face, yet Unleashed is one of the most entertaining films I've seen all year. Director Louis Leterrier takes the premise seriously and never gives you time to question what is happening. The acting is good enough and I was emotionally attached to the characters enough to care about the outcome of the action sequences. The film is violent, in a style similar to Fight Club with a Kung Fu influence. The only major flaw is the ending, which seems to exist because there had to be a major fight at the end; It's the only part of the film that didn't feel emotionally honest to me. Three Stars, a pleasant surprise.